Photo of the day: #129 “Nose”

Photo #129

Have you ever caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror as you walk by and for a split second you see different traits from your parents or grandparents that have gotten passed down to you?  It makes you stop for a second and take another look because it’s so amazing how those things can carry through families (or at least I find it amazing…but I’m also a nerd).  As I get older, I see more and more of these in me…different times I see my mom in me and other times I see my dad in me.  And then recently for some reason I noticed my nose.  I’ve never particularly liked my nose and then I realized why.  For a split second and at just the right angle, it looked like my grandmother’s nose.

For some reason, I don’t remember much from when I was younger.  The only good memory I have of my grandmother (on just one side of my family) is from when I spent the night at her house one night and we played Monopoly and Yahtzee for hours and hours.  She talked about what her parents were like and that’s all I remember.  Ever since I was little I don’t ever remember my grandfather even talking to me, other than to say hello.  Over the years, we really only saw them during the holidays and maybe a few other times throughout the year, even though we lived in the same city (probably less than 10 miles apart).  I always dreaded going to those family get-togethers on my dad’s side.  I think maybe after I graduated high school or got married, or maybe it was even just over a Christmas gift – I didn’t write her a thank you note for something.  She got mad at me for not writing one.  I don’t remember if I forgot or what, but if it was for my graduation or my wedding, I know that I did write thank you notes.  Anyway, some other time she gave me a gift and I wrote her a thank you note.  Then I got criticized for the way I wrote it.  That’s how she is -nothing is ever good enough for her, no matter what you do or say, it’s never right.  I can only imagine how it was like growing up with her as a parent.  Every time we were around her, it was always a tense situation (or at least it was for me) because something rude or insulting was always said by her.  Like pointing out that I had gained weight or pointing out that I had finally gotten boobs (what teenager wants that pointed out in front of their family?).  After hearing all kinds of things like this, what kid would want to spend time with their grandmother?  And then she would get mad because I wouldn’t call her.  I remember one time when I was an adult and her whole side of the family was over at my parent’s house.  In front of everyone, she called my mom a bitch.  Oooohhhh, I can still feel the same rage in me as the day as it happened.  I don’t even know what the reason was, but I’m sure it was something that did not call for that kind of language, especially in front of little kids.  I think that was the turning point for me where I just cut her off and didn’t have anything else to do with her.  Didn’t call her, didn’t go out of my way to speak to her at family functions.  She still got her smart remarks in when she could, but I just went along with it and pretended like it didn’t bother me.

I’m sure just about all of you who are reading this have heard about the scammers who call or email you and tell you that you’ve won something, but you just need to send some money and you’ll get your prize.  Well, these people called my grandparents about 6 months ago.  They’ve got them hooked and brainwashed that they really are going to get $1,000,000 really soon and that the truck with the money is just around the corner.  Well, the truck has been driving “just around the corner” for months now.  I think the total amount that my grandparents have just handed over to these people is around $75,000 so far.  It’s like they just went over to the trashcan and just threw all that money away.  They’re not going to get it back.  It just makes me sick to my stomach.  I think the reason why it makes me sick to my stomach is because of the stress that it has put on my parents and my uncles’ families.  I guess I can’t understand how someone can be made to believe all of the crap that this “Johnny” guy is telling them.  Maybe it’s because they’re older and aren’t up-to-date with technology and don’t know about these scams, but they just don’t listen.  I guess I would relate it to someone in a bad relationship who just doesn’t realize that the other person is abusing them.  Everyone else sees it, but they don’t think anything is wrong.  No matter what, we can’t get them to understand that they’re throwing away (or have already thrown away) everything that they had.  They’re throwing away their relationships with their family.  You would think that they would realize this by now but they haven’t.  My aunt told them that it would come down to them having to choose between “Johnny” or her boys.  She chose Johnny.

What a fucking stab in the heart.  It makes me cry for my dad and his brothers just thinking about hearing that.  I don’t have a clue what I would have done if I heard my mother say that right in front of my face.  How can you choose someone you’ve never met over your four kids, your own flesh and blood???  Yes, I’m talking to you, Phyllis, how can you?  How can you choose Johnny over your whole fucking family?  Because that’s what you did.  When you chose Johnny, you chose him over your children, your grandchildren, and your great-grandchildren.  How can you choose not to want to be a part of your family’s life?  I think I and everyone in your family deserves an answer.  Your kids deserve an apology.  But that’s right, you don’t apologize.  You probably think you’re not in the wrong and won’t admit you hurt them.  I think it’s sad that I can pretty honestly say that I will never see you again.  You can probably count on your own two hands the amount of times you have seen your great-grandchildren and you will never see them again.  And you chose that.  It’s your fault and no one else’s.  How does it feel to hear that?  I’m so thankful I had other grandmothers and great-grandmothers that really cared about me and showed it.  That wanted to be a part of my life and are still part of mine and my kids’ lives.

I don’t think we’ve particularly gotten along because I won’t let you control me.  That’s what you try to do to everyone around you – control them.  You think by being rude and mean is how to communicate with people and get them to do what you want them to do.  Well, guess what…Johnny is controlling you.  You may not think so because he has you so brainwashed but that’s the simple truth.  He is controlling you to get what he wants and all he wants is your money.  And he’ll keep trying to control you until you realize what he’s doing and put a stop to it. But we don’t know how to make you realize that.  No matter what anyone does to try to help you, nothing works.  This is just a last ditch effort to try.  Why else would he keep asking for more money?  Because he knows you’ll give it to him!

I don’t understand if your whole family keeps telling you that this guy is a scam, why do you still not believe us?  Have you ever heard of anyone actually getting money from these people?  Just go out and Google it and you’ll see stories from all kinds of people that these people aren’t for real.

I just hope for your sake that you guys realize that this guy is a crook before it’s too late.  I hope he rots in hell because that’s exactly where he’s headed when he is done with his life on Earth.  And just so you know, this thing that I’m writing on is a blog and it is available for anyone in the whole world to look at.  And your whole family will read about this and realize that you’ve chosen Johnny over them.


6 thoughts on “Photo of the day: #129 “Nose”

  1. Awe Ashley, this is one of the moments I just want to hug you.

    I’m not sure if you remember, but I bloged about my own (rather abusive, but seemingly unaware) maternal grandmother some time ago. It’s hurtful, I understand.

    The important part is that you realize that you are not only abstractly loveable, but actually concretly loved by so many other people in your life.

    The saddest part is that the only person losing out is the person who makes you feel so worthless.

    I sincerly hoped you felt better getting this of your chest. Don’t hold on to anger or resentment – it’s just not worth it.

    Hugs, K.

    1. Thank you, Kianys. You always have just the right words to say! I do remember you blogging about your own grandmother. I’ll have to go back and read it – it’s been awhile since I read it. And I do feel better. I’m trying to work on letting go of anger and resentment…it’s tough to do! 🙂

      1. I know it’s tough – One day at a time that’s what I do and it doesn’t work all the time.

        Keeping your distance does have its upside too (I like the fact that there’s the Atlantic Ocean between me and her quite a lot!).

        The one thing I’ve found out is that I CAN decide (at least sometimes) that she’s just not worth it – truly let it roll of your back, you know?

        I mean you know she’s crazy, the rest of your family knows she’s crazy – why should anything that comes out of her mouth be sane enough to even acknowledge it?

        Venting is always great and this is a great place to vent

        Hugs, K. 🙂

  2. I just printed this . . . and reread it . . . . and loved every word. I’m putting it in dear ole grandmother’s mailbox tomorrow!

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