I think I made a move in the right direction yesterday. I opened up to someone who could relate to me and talked about the wreck I witnessed so many years ago. It was a big step for me to even bring the issue up to someone, but I did it. My only intent was to ask a single question but we ended up talking and crying for over an hour. All this time…13 1/2 years…I’ve always thought that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. If only I had stopped somewhere before we went to that game, if only we wouldn’t have even gone to the game, if only the game was somewhere else, if only someone else had been driving…then maybe I wouldn’t have been there at that specific moment on that specific day. But after talking to this person yesterday, he said something to me that has stuck…”You were in the right place at the right time”. I called 911, I stopped, we were standing with and talking to the guy to try to keep him awake and distracted, I was there with Jeny and that at least comforted her family. I helped. Why it took this long for me to realize that, I don’t know. I guess that is what happens when you start accepting it – you realize that there was nothing you could have done except to just be there.
I’ve always said to myself that things happen for a reason. That helps me deal with a lot of things, but I’ve never applied that concept to this incident before. How could there be a good reason why this happened? Or any other traumatic event? But that’s not for me to answer and I’ve learned that it’s exhausting trying to. So, whatever the reason why it happened, maybe the experience happened to me for a reason…to make me realize not to take life for granted, to tell my family I love them, to be there with Jeny and Jeremy, to meet the people I have, to help other people, to make me stronger.