Today I went to see my nephew, Harlan, in the hospital. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor just last week and will have it removed on Wednesday. He is only 6 1/2 weeks older than Cayden, my youngest. My sister-in-law and I got pregnant around the same time, went through all the pregnancy symptoms together, talked about baby stuff and compared stories, gave advice to each other, and finally had our beautiful babies around the same time. It was awesome being pregnant with your sister-in-law, knowing that our kids would grow up as cousins so closely together.
Shortly after Mackenzie was born she was hospitalized for pneumonia and shortly after Cayden was born she was hospitalized for bacterial meningitis. The feelings of helplessness, worry, fright, and the unknown consumed me for weeks and months after. It is the absolute worst feeling in the world when your children are sick and you can’t do anything to help them. Especially when they are given a very scary diagnosis and you just don’t know what will happen from one day to the next. Your heart sinks to your stomach and it just stays there. Your body and mind just go into a mode of survival; I guess just to cope through each hour and day at a time because you just can’t think of tomorrow. You just have to take what comes at you a minute at a time.
All those feelings came rushing back to me a hundred times over when I walked into that hospital today. Even though you know he is sick, he was talking and eating and was still Harlan. It was like I just wanted time to freeze and stand still because the unknown is so scary. We had Cayden with us because she had a checkup downtown today and since they took Harlan on a wagon ride down the halls, Harlan got to see Cayden. His sweet little voice kept calling her name and he kept wanting to see her if she got out of eyesight from him. It was just adorable and still tugs at my heart thinking about it.
At times like these I just have to write out my feelings because there is no way I can speak them without crying. Jacki and Jonathan, you are two strong, wonderful, loving parents and I know we will all get through this. Just take it one day at a time. Cayden has her pink tea set waiting 🙂