18 years, half of my lifetime


It’s been 18 years. On April 2, 1999, I had just turned 18 a few days before. One of the worst days of my life, if not the worst. I still feel the need to talk about it after all these years, so I always come to my blog.  I’ve sat down at this computer already several times today trying to write but just got up and distracted myself.

How has it been 18 years? It’s hard for me to wrap my brain around.  I never knew Jeny before she passed away but I’m absolutely certain she has been (one of) my guardian angels ever since that day.  I have talked to her, written to her in this blog, have a tattoo dedicated to her, but never got to know her.

I am thankful to have gotten the chance to meet and know her wonderful sisters. Wendy & Marla, you two will never know how much you helped heal a piece of my heart.

This past week has been an emotional one, let alone the past few months, so maybe this day is just adding to those feelings.  A group of us shaved our heads yesterday to raise awareness for childhood cancer research. In honor of my nephew and all the other children who are fighting cancer. I know that Harlan and Jeny are up there in Heaven together, connected in some way.

I feel silly writing about this every year, but I just still feel the need to.  I feel like I need to thank her for being a huge part of my life, even under the awful circumstances that we “met”. To not acknowledge her and this day just feels wrong to me somehow. Even though I wish she could have gone home from her motorcycle ride that day with her boyfriend, there must be some reason that she didn’t. I don’t know if I’ll ever know the answer but there must be some reason why I was chosen to be there when she left this Earth.

So, thank you, Jeny. I know you’re always with me.

 

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